Stressed Out? Can’t Sleep?

Guys, I’m doing a workshop this Sat 19th at Macy Ikano, 11am-1pm. It’s FREE on a first come, first serve basis but you have to email rsvp@macy.my or myra@kyanite.tv to register your attendance. By, the way, Macy is kindly giving everyone who comes a free pillow worth RM79 Hope to see you there!

My Ayurveda Detox

When I was a speaker at the Star Health Fair last month, where I launched my inaugural Guided Audio Relaxation CD called “Letting Go”, I had time in between my workshops to explore the diverse plethora of participating health brands. I was literally spoilt for choice but I found myself wandering into the Samkkya Ayurveda booth, where people from all walks of life with concerns ranging from migraine, diabetes, obesity, back pain, skin issues, arthiritis or other ailments were streaming in with their different enquiries.

I have long been fascinated by Ayurveda, which is believed to be the oldest healing system in the world, dating back more than 5000 years. ‘Ayur’ means life and ‘Veda’ means ‘knowledge of’, so Ayurveda is often referred to as the ‘knowledge’ or ‘Science of Life’.

The World Health Organization recognises Ayurveda as a complete natural health care system. In accordance with the laws of nature, it helps to strengthen your body’s defenses in order to fight disease naturally so that you can live a longer, healthier, more balanced life.

The interesting thing about Ayurveda is that one size does not fit all. Food should be consumed relevant to your own elemental mind-body type called ‘dosha’. If you were diagnosed as having a dominant Pitta dosha, which is the fire element, you might have issues like high-blood pressure, balding, irritability and low tolerance in the hot sun. Says, Dr. Vats, the Ayurveda physician at the centre, “They would need to drink more water than the average person to cool their system down and too much spicy food can aggravate them. This is in stark contrast to the Vata dosha, which is air. They may have poor circulation, get cold easily, and suffer from bloatedness and digestion issues.”

I was interested in trying out an Ayurvedic detox program. Though I wasn’t trying to lose any weight, the idea of getting rid of toxins appealed to me because detox for the body, is like doing an engine overhaul for your car. No matter how well you think your system is running, at some point all our bad eating habits or indulgences catch up with us, slowing our bodies down and making us feel sluggish. I felt it was the right time for me to go through a detox. Incidentally, I met so many people in the last month who said they were meaning to lose weight, or hit the gym or stop drinking so much but they never got round to changing their lifestyle.

Everyone who continually complains about wanting to change some aspect of their life can only blame themselves, for inaction. The power is always in your own hands. Sometimes, it is as simple as just making a decision to change. And positive change can happen in an instant, once the mind is set on making that change. Beyond that, you just have to follow the neccessary steps and take swift action. It was really empowering just making the decision that I was going to really do this Ayurvedic detox, hard as it might be.

So there I was standing in front of Samkkya’s Ayurveda centre in Bangsar, two weeks later, absolutely determined to complete their 10-day detox program. I wanted to clear out all the toxins in my system and regain my eating equilibrium. The rules were straightforward but you have to be committed.

I was told not to work, if possible (but I broke this particular rule). You should not engage in any hard or physical activity (I promptly cancelled all my tennis games). I had to practice daily breathing exercises (This is a truly fantastic way to start the day.I have always shared various breathing techniques in my own de-stress workshops to relieve stress and calm the mind), and last but not least on the list was a whole host of things to AVOID during the detox.

I could not consume fried food, rice, pasta, meat, milk, cheese, coffee, tea, alcohol, soda, chocolates, desserts, sugar, salt and spice. Incredibly, I stuck to this and I have amazed myself by not being hungry because my body had enough nutrients to get by every day.

I’ve mostly consumed tonnes of various fruits, herbs and gotten creative in the kitchen making every conceivable clear vegetable soup. Even broccoli started to feel like a luxury since it was not actually solid.

Unfortunately for me, I had to go to Penang last weekend, of all places, in the middle of this. While my friends were enjoying Penang’s world famous street food, I was sitting there with my giant bowl of papaya sprinkled with organic walnuts and pumpkin seeds. But despite being surrounded by temptation, I managed to complete the program.

And I feel fantastic! My metabolic rate has gone right up. My skin looks clearer and I have more energy. I lost 2.2kg but it’s made a big difference because I have gotten rid of water retention and all my toxins!

If you’re curious about your ‘dosha’ or feeling brave enough to go for a detox yourself, you can contact Samkkya Ayurveda at +603 2287 2111
 (www.samkkya.com.my) or go for a consultation with the knowledgeable Dr Vats (I’ve personally never met anyone who hasn’t eaten meat from the day he was born! And this caring Doctor also prays for the speedy recovery of all his patients! Yup! He’s a really good soul

The Hugging Saint Embracing the World

(Source: KGS Berlin)

My first meeting with Amma, the ‘Hugging Saint’ (Published in The Star, Friday April 13th 2012)

I have never met a ‘Saint’ in real-life. I thought it was just a concept you read about in ancient books, until I was enfolded in the arms of what the world lovingly refers to as “Amma”, or the “Hugging Saint”. She has hugged more than 30 million people round the world, over the last four decades. Just last weekend in Penang, about 25,000 people showed up for a hug. That’s not the shocking part. It was the fact that she sat in the same position for 19 hours, hugging people non-stop from Saturday 7pm till Sunday, 2pm the next day. Medical doctors I’ve spoken to cannot explain how she can sit for so many hours at a stretch without even taking a toilet break.

Apart from trying to embrace the world, one hug at a time, I was astounded to discover that her foundation donated US$23 million to tsunami relief in South Asia, according to the BBC. She has also received, along with Nelson Mandela and Kofi Anan, the Gandhi-King award for non-violence (named after Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King).

I wondered what it would be like to receive a hug from Amma who’s eyes never seem to lose the light of compassion for people from all walks of life, regardless of race, religion or background. Last week, when I found out that she was going to be at The Marina Bay Sands Convention Centre in Singapore, I decided to seize the opportunity of meeting her, even if it was only for a few seconds.

While waiting for my hug, I met an ex-banker who was present on that well-documented day, many years ago to witness what happened when a leper tried to receive a hug from Amma. He recalls the details as if it were yesterday. He said the leper had a strong stench emanating from his bleeding wounds. Everyone was horrified and repelled at the sight of him. Some ran away in fear and others stared at him in disgust, but Amma received the leper with open arms, cradling him like a child.

She once said, “If you take 10 steps towards me, I am ready to take a hundred steps towards you.” She started kissing the wounds on his hands and then lovingly smeared ash over his body. When he left her, he was completely cured of his leprosy condition. That was almost 34 years ago and he still pays his respects to Amma, never forgetting what she had done for him. As for the banker, witnessing such an act of compassion changed his life. He quit his job and he is now right by Amma’s side, to this day as Swami Ramakrishnananda Puri.

Another one of Amma’s devotees of 20 years said an international reporter once asked Amma what she did in her free time. Amma could not quite answer the question because she does not have any free time. When people ask her if she needs to take a break to rest, Amma came up with this interesting analogy that a babysitter on a job may only come at certain times to look after someone’s children but a mother is a different story. She never has a day off.

(Source: National Geographic)

In fact, when she was done hugging everyone in Penang after 19 straight straight hours last weekend, people thought she would retire to her room to sleep but she decided to depart for Kuala Lumpur without delay because she said, “My KL children are already waiting.”

Well, the token number in my hand was almost up, five hours later. I was now mere seconds away from my meeting with Amma. I started getting a bit nervous. I really didn’t know what to expect. Suddenly, I was gathered up in her arms like a small child. I remember Amma stroking my back, as she prayed into my ear. In that moment, I completely forgot what I was thinking about. There was such a sense of peace to be with her. I felt accepted for who I was, and loved anyway. Just before I moved away, she reached out to kiss my hands and I was humbled by her affectionate gesture. She seemed to radiate with so much unconditional love, that it was hard not to be affected. I felt really blessed I met her.

(Source: Courtesy of M.A. Centre)

After speaking to a range of people from all walks of life, I realise that Amma’s hugs really do affect people in radically different ways. I met women who were trying to have a baby without success but fell pregnant after being embraced by the ‘Hugging Saint.’ Then there were those who felt nothing at all. Interestingly, our Star columnist T Selva felt nothing on his first hug with Amma but was so profoundly moved on his second hug, that he could barely stand to support his weight and consequently ended up writing a book about her, called ‘Journey with Amma’. Whether you feel nothing, or you feel a world of love in your heart when you meet her, I do recommend you get that hug!

(Source: Townhall.com)

Many Shades of Humanity

I HAVE always wondered why people say, “Green with envy” Why green? When I think of green, I think of trees in the forest, not jealousy. As it turns out, in the seventh century B.C., the ancient Greek poet Sappho, used the word ‘green’ to describe the complexion of a stricken lover.

‘Green’ and ‘pale’ were alternate meanings of the same Greek word and the Greeks believed that jealousy was accompanied by an overproduction of bile, lending a pallid green cast to the victim.

At least I figured that one out because it was bugging me!

I find the significance and symbolism of colours fascinating because they convey a variety of messages in countless situations across cultures and countries. Colours are so entrenched in our lives (be it subliminally or blatantly), that they have become a part of our vocabulary.

For instance, if a business is “in the red”, it is losing money. If you suddenly got very angry, you start to “see red” but if you were celebrating something in high spirits, you might want to “paint the town red.”

If a project is finally going ahead, it usually means it’s been given the “green light”. If a family had a misunderstood or disgraced member amongst them, they would often refer to him/her as the “black sheep” of the family.

In the world of business, colours play a critical role because they become a part of a brand’s corporate identity. They also ensure companies, stand out from their competitors.

On an F1 track where the cars are whizzing by so fast, we would never be able to follow the progress of our favourite team if all the cars were the same colour. How would commentators be able to make sense of any race? Similarly, on a football field, everyone is obviously following the game by looking out for the colours of the teams they’re supporting.

The symbolism of colours permeates every aspect of our lives and their significance differs depending on the country.

In Russia, red is a historically prominent colour. According to the ‘World War Two Database’, the Bolsheviks used a red flag as their symbol when they overthrew the Tsar in 1917 which naturally led to red becoming the colour of communism.

In the West, red is associated with danger (stop signs), anger, love and passion but in China it’s an auspicious colour associated with good luck and prosperity (brides wear red) and cash received from married couples during Chinese New Year are always in red packets, called ang pow.

In Thailand, widows commonly wear purple as the colour for mourning but in Western cultures it usually represents royalty and luxury, even magic (purple is a recurring colour in the Harry Potter series). In the ancient healing system of chakras representing energy centres in the body, the ‘third-eye’ chakra is purple, which is associated with clairvoyance, imagination, intution and higher consciousness.

Though black is a symbol of death and mourning in the West, it is the opposite in China and India where people predominantly wear white at funerals. At a Chinese funeral, red is forbidden, as it is associated with prosperity and happiness.

In Japan, black is a prestigious colour of honour, age and experience. Hence, in the martial arts system, the black belt is the highest achievement one strives for.

Black has many negative connotations in the West from the trade of illegal goods on the “black market” to a “black mark” on someone undesirable to “blackmail” and the colour through the ages being associated with dark forces where good is always ‘white’ and evil is usually ‘black’.

However, in the business/urban world, black is a symbol of power and authority (black office chairs and business suits), elegance (women in black dresses) and formality (men in tuxedos).

The significance of colours, have been studied throughout history and despite meaning different things to different people culturally, they do seem to have an effect on us. What colours are you drawn to on a daily basis? Any favourites?

It has been said that the colours people choose to wear regularly have some bearing on their mood/state of mind. If you are curious about whether there’s any link to the colours you are attracted to with your personality, I’ve compiled the following list.

Each colour has positive and negative qualities so you can check and see if it holds any significance or accuracy to you.

RED: impulsive, centre of attention, ambitious, assertive, exciting, passionate, expressive, successful, irritable, aggressive, bad-tempered.

PINK: loving, affectionate, warm, childish, a need to feel loved and accepted (some prisons use pink tones to neutralise disorder and violence).

BROWN: down-to-earth, reliable, approachable, conventional, natural, structured.

PURPLE: intuitive, spiritual, artistic, imaginative, arrogant.

GREY: practical, self-sufficient, responsible, dependable, critical, lonely, cold.

BLUE: calming, relaxing (many baby rooms use blue for a soothing effect), sensitive, sad, can be depressed.

ORANGE: warm, energetic, enthusiastic, creative, restless, competitive.

GREEN: natural, fertile, abundant, balance, healing, growth, peaceful, inexperience, jealous, envious.

BLACK: powerful, creative, anonymous, sophisticated, individualistic, independent, mysterious, inflexible, authoritative.

YELLOW: happy, optimistic, stimulating, lively, can be overpowering.

WHITE: innocent, purity, cleanliness, simple, humble, divine, angelic, spiritual, withdrawn/can be a loner.

Falling In Love Takes Guts!

I used to admire people who were so ‘in love’ because it must be incredible for two people to come together with such a deep connection between them. Loving someone with all your heart is brave and it takes guts. Years ago, this concept was a little too scary for me to entertain.

It reminded me of the saying by author Michael Gardner, “Falling in love is like giving someone a gun and letting them point it at your heart and trusting they won’t pull the trigger.”

It wasn’t the last part of the saying that bothered me about “trust” despite the fact that trust is such a critical cornerstone of any solid relationship. I was well aware that trust was as fragile as bone China, which could be broken or shattered at any point.

It wasn’t the part about giving someone the gun that bothered me either because I figured if you got past the hurdle of trust, surely my partner wouldn’t intentionally try to ‘shoot’ my heart or break it.

It was actually the first part that bothered me the most. I was worried I would never fall in love to begin with. For a person who was always called a ‘commitment phobe’, I was oddly the first person to cry at my childhood friend’s wedding. I was so moved by his decision to tie the knot because we were so bitterly similar.

If there were clubs for people terrified of committing in their relationships, we would have become automatic members. His marriage was a sign that there was still hope for me. I felt proud watching him walk down the aisle because he was finally doing it!

He was someone who I never thought would settle down and so rapidly. When we were teenagers, I remember asking him if he believed in “love at first sight” and he used to laugh at such a fanciful notion.

Yet, years later, when I excitedly asked him how he knew the girl he was going to marry was “the one”, he said, “I just knew, Jojo. Within a month of dating her, I was absolutely sure I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. There was no fear at all. It just felt right.”

I was so inspired because you read of such things happening all the time of course but somehow, seeing someone that close to me falling head over heels in love made the ‘impossible’ seem ‘possible’.

Something must be said about how a person’s life can change in the blink of an eye once they fall in love. They may even become a little ‘crazy’ and take risks they would never usually take because there are no guarantees in love.

As Actress Joan Crawford once said, “Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.” In order to really love someone, we have to be prepared to be ‘vulnerable’ and to drop all the masks we usually wear in life.

Everyone has different faces for different occassions but how many people see us for who we are, right down to the apple core of our souls?

On this fascinating journey of love, I realised some time back that love and fear don’t really mix. They are like oil and water. The irony is I finally fell in love when I lost the fear that I would never find it. There were other fears that wondrously and surprisingly melted away as well. I was able to completely be myself.

It is an incredible feeling to safely know that despite all your flaws and imperfections, that someone would wholeheartedly accept and love you anyway. I realise it is better to be open rather than closed to what some would describe as the strongest emotion on Earth. When we are too preoccupied trying to protect our hearts, we are missing out on the greatest adventure of our lives, no matter how exhilirating and challenging relationships might be. It’s worth it.

Love teaches us about ourselves because our partners are like mirrors, reflecting the best and worst in us. Love can disappoint us, hurt us, uplift us and make our heads spin in confusion but they are a vital reminder that we are alive. As Alfred Lord Tennyson wrote, ‘It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all’.

I would like to wish everyone a Happy Valentines Day but you don’t need to wait for a special day to celebrate love in your relationship. Every day there’s love in your life is a gift in itself!

Lady Gaga and Twitter continue to dominate!

It is hard to believe that outrageous exhibitionist Lady Gaga was once described as painfully shy by her former manager, Bob Leone. What on earth happened? Well, radical results often require dramatic changes so out went ‘shyness’ and in came bizarre outfits with gravity defying platforms, going to baseball games in her underwear and producing songs that have permanently enshrined her in pop history.

Yet, if we backtracked into this superstar’s life, we would discover that she was pretty much headed for the limelight from the word go. When Lady Gaga was a little girl, she always had the same two-word answer to the question of what her goal was when she grew up. It was “world domination”. I dare say she might have got her seemingly far-fetched wish because she certainly does rule the world, well, social world to be precise.

Lady Gaga currently has more fans following her than anyone else on the planet. She has close to 18 million fans on Twitter and more than 46 million on Facebook. She has broken several Guinness World Records and made it on to the Forbes list of “100 Most Powerful Women” in the world. She was also the youngest on it, at only 25 years of age. Her biggest threat ironically, is not even legal age yet, which is a reflection of our changing times and the sheer reach and influence of social media. It’s 17-year old Justin Bieber of course who was discovered on Youtube.

Imagine this. Justin Bieber actually broke Lady Gaga’s record of being the first person to reach one billion views on YouTube. He surpassed Lady Gaga with 2 billion YouTube views, which is completely staggering when you think about the fact that the world’s population is approximately 7 billion. Whether you care for these particular stars or not, we cannot ignore the power of the very social media tools which carved t

heir paths toward mega stardom. We are using the same ones every day i.e. Google, Facebook and Twitter to interact, communicate, and share information.

According to the BBC, Twitter has hit the 100 million active users mark. Though it has fewer users than Facebook, it has become the world’s fastest growing social site averaging 230 million tweets a day and 400 million monthly unique visitors to twitter.com. Interestingly, 40% of active users don’t tweet but they use Twitter to receive newsfeeds relevant to their interests. I know football fanatics who lap up every morsel of their favourite teams without ever feeling the need to tweet themselves.

Personally, I love Twitter because of its sheer simplicity. It does not bombard me with news I have no interest in. You only follow people or brands you want to, and you are in complete control of who you decide to interact with. For example, Oprah Winfrey has about 8.8 million followers but she is only following 40 people of her choice.

Now, does Twitter have more influence than Facebook? Well, that’s a tough one. Facebook remains a solid referral for news sites for stories to be “liked”, but interestingly, according to the Guardian UK, Twitter was found to be more targeted in its referrals than links simply dumped on people’s Facebook walls. For instance, the article on “Why Wall Street Can’t Handle the Truth” by Mike Mayo generated only 795 “likes” whereas, the same story got indexed a whopping 140,000 times in Google due to only 392 tweets!

Of course the other thing Twitter has got going for it is that it’s the fastest growing service on mobile, ahead of Facebook and LinkedIn. According to CNN, most users are accessing Twitter via their mobile phones. I can definitely relate to this statistic because I’m always on the go. I’ve tweeted on the beach, the red carpet, while walking, you name it! It’s so convenient off your phone whereas Facebook has too many features in its interface to make it that “mobile friendly” in my opinion.

Twitter is also so interactive and everything happens in “real-time”. Something quite random happened to me just last week. A stranger from the Philippines tweeted that I resembled one of their local actresses called Valerie Concepcion. I had never heard of her so out of curiosity, I looked her up. After seeing her curvy bikini-clad body on the cover of Maxim magazine, I wrote back promptly saying, “She’s much sexier” and lo and behold, the actress herself tweeted me back with a smiley face saying, “No, you’re sexier!” We were total strangers but Twitter brought us together within the hour this conversation has started, over such an amusing interchange!

The incredible thing about Twitter is the sheer spectrum of people and brands on it, not forgetting politicians. CEO of Twitter, Dick Costolo, said 82% of the US Congress is on Twitter and most of its Senators. His Twitter vision for everyone is to ultimately have the “World in your pocket”. Well, I think both Lady Gaga and Twitter are indeed on the same path to dominate the world.

Give Yourself a Fresh start for 2012!

I was strolling through a shopping mall last month and feeling puzzled that Christmas carols were playing over the airwaves. The same thought always flashes across my mind, “What? It’s Christmas already? How did another year just fly by so fast?” My instinctive reaction is to reflect on the past year, the highs and the lows and whether I’ve done what I set out to do in 2011.

For instance, I had all these New Year resolutions but only a few were followed but others fell by the wayside and are still collecting dust. In any case, I have come up with my own list of things to bear in mind at the end of the year before we start planning for 2012.

1)   If you had a New Year resolution this year you did not follow, don’t beat yourself up on it. At least the intention was there and another fresh year is coming up to prove to yourself that you still can do it! For example, I made a resolution to wake up every day before 6 am, but it only happened about ten times this whole year. I’m going to give myself another shot at it next year.

Courtesy of My Background Blog

2)   Forgive yourself. Let go of all the things you wished you had done differently this year. We can’t undo the past, so no point crying over spilt milk. Just move on.

3)   Forgive others. When you are burning with resentment, you’re the one who is suffering so try to find the strength to let go of the grudges you’re carrying around. Why would you want to weigh yourself down with all this “excess baggage”?

4)   Manage your time. One of the things I’m learning more and more now that I’m running my own business is that “time is money” and I’ve learnt to say “no” to certain projects because I can’t take on everything or justify the resources it might use up. I will be looking closely at this next year and prioritizing on what makes sense to focus on in 2012.

5)   Have patience. In life and in business, we can’t always get everything ‘right’ straight away. On a personal note (excuse the pun), I’ve been learning to play the ‘erhu’, which is a two- stringed Chinese violin. It is extremely challenging because it has no frets so your fingers have to slide to find the right notes. As there are no quick results or shortcuts on this ancient instrument, it reminds me that perfection always takes time and practice.

6)   Let go of the ‘mistakes’ of 2011. We all make mistakes. Some big, and some small, because we’re only human. The important thing is to learn the lesson and stop repeating it.

7)   Bury the hatchet. If there’s something hanging over your head as unfinished business, then tend to it so you can have closure. If you’ve already done everything you can, thenpractice the motto, “Let sleeping dogs lie.”

8)   Have gratitude for all those who have helped you along your path this year. Gratitude is a highly positive emotion and is said to attract even more abundance into your life.

9)   Don’t harbour regrets. At the end of the day, nothing is a waste of time. For myself, I’m even grateful for the ‘negative business encounters’ I came across because I learnt a lot from them and what ‘not to do’ next time round. For instance, I was taken for a ride by my contractor when he was renovating my office. It has taught me to be more diligent in the future and to not take things at face value.

10)   Clear out the clutter in your house, your workspace, even your bedroom so that you can get rid of the ‘old’ to make space for the ‘new’. I’m going to do some serious spring-cleaning this December because I’ve accumulated so much junk across the year. Also, if you have clothes you cannot see yourself wearing any more, give it away to the less fortunate.

11)        Accept the decisions you have made. If you did something that failed this year, change your strategy or do something different next year.

12)        End the year on a good note. It’s just like bedtime. When you go to sleep with an angry thought, you might wake up the next day in a bad mood. So end the year on a positive note so that you can kick start 2012 in good spirits.

As the year draws to a close, I wanted to leave you with a quote from film star, James Dean who passed away at the tender age of 24. He said, “Dream as if you’ll live forever; live as if you’ll die today.” Wishing all Malaysians a Merry Christmas and smashing New Year ahead!

Off the beaten track

I KNEW there were places on Earth where technology was completely absent and the mobile phone we all take for granted was an alien device, unfathomable to the human mind that you could hear the voice of another person in a totally different location coming out of the receiver, right into your ear.

Now, I knew such places existed of course, completely untouched by the modern world and the pushy materialistic values of city life, but it was such a novel experience to visit such a place myself.

About five years ago, I hiked with a Frenchman and super-adventurous friend from Hong Kong into a remote stone village near Dali, China.

The first thing that struck me was how beautiful this village was, situated at the foothills of the Himalayas, seemingly perched on the edge of the world with a panoramic view money couldn’t buy. I stumbled into an old man’s home, not realising I was in his ‘living room’ as the entire village had no doors.

I apologetically shuffled out of his house mumbling, “So sorry to disturb you…” but he just stared open-mouthed, over his pipe, making me feel like my unexpected visit was as foreign and exciting as a UFO descending upon his village.

I then walked into a school and curiously poked my face into a classroom.

The teacher did not see me but the children did. As I was leaving the compound, the entire class scrambled out into the open courtyard to simply stare at all of us, until the teacher chased them back into the classroom. The truth is that I was as fascinated by them as they were about us.

For instance, I presumed no one knew the exact time of day it was because no one wore a wristwatch. By contrast, I can’t even count the number of times in a day I’m checking what time it is.

As I meandered through this charming village on foot, it occurred to me that families had to basically trust each other because their homes had no doors.

I guess there was nothing of great value to steal but nevertheless, it would be unthinkable for us city dwellers to live without a lock or reliable alarm system, let alone no door at all. Most of us were brought up not to trust any strangers yet in this village, we were invited to join the head monk for tea. This quiet and well-respected monk ruled firmly and peacefully over the entire village. With just a few friendly nods and even fewer words spoken, made for one of the most therapeutic afternoons I’ve ever spent doing such a simple task.

Life was lived at such a leisurely pace in this village and as I absorbed the incredible view of the mountains all around me, the saying, “Stop and smell the roses” came to mind because life can pass us by when we live it at a frantic pace.

This is something I’m definitely guilty of when I’m running late for a shoot with my Twitter alerts going off and my heart hammering in my chest in panic because I’m stuck in one of KL’s insane bumper-to-bumper traffic jams.

It was a real eye-opener visiting this village because it’s not every day you see people living life in such a simple fashion where having a solid roof over your head with rice in your food bowl meant you had enough to live. They did not compete for the latest gadget or crave for the new iPhone 4s because they were unaware of its existence and seemed perfectly content with their lives.

Though the thought of this humble village undergoing such drastic change makes me wince, I realise that change is inevitable. Information in this day and age is like an unstoppable force, which must be shared, not suppressed, bringing practically every ‘village’ on Earth together through the amazing invention of today’s World Wide Web.

However, I can only hope that the innocent children I met whose eyes lit up in wonder at the smallest things wouldn’t become hardened and jaded by the urban world obsessed by what it must have because it strives to be set apart from the group of “have-nots.”

Reality TV still raking in audiences

MANY of us have a love-hate relationship with reality TV shows. We love to hate them and we hate to love them but the bottom line is, we are still watching them.

When the Big Brother series came to an end in 2010 after being on UK’s Channel 4 for a decade, people thought it would signify the death of the genre, but it did quite the opposite.

A plethora of other reality formats started sprouting up round the globe.

American Idol exploded on the scene in 2002 with 9.9 million viewers, which skyrocketed to almost 27 million in Season 4, making it the most watched reality series in America for six straight seasons. In the UK, reality “fever” shows no signs of abating. In fact, the viewership has grown even larger.

The opening episode of last year’s X Factor attracted a record of about 11 million viewers (which comprises almost half the entire viewing audience).

The Apprentice pulled in eight million strong viewers and the finale alone of Britain’s Got Talent reeled in a staggering audience of more than 14 million viewers.

According to the Observer, the combined viewership of all these reality shows, added up to about 41 million, which outstripped the 27 million people who voted in UK’s last general election.

So what is the attraction of reality TV? People can’t put their finger on the precise reason behind this phenomenon. There are a myriad of theories to explain why it seems to work though.

Reality TV helps people escape the conundrum of their own daily lives. Whether or not we choose to admit it, we humans are somehow fascinated watching real people we can relate to, rather than actors with a script, struggling to reach their “goals”.

We empathise with them, root for them and identify with their problems like a soap opera unfolding in real-time.
In fact, we get so involved that we even feel compelled to actively participate in their ultimate fate. Die-hard fans cannot bear to passively stand by and watch their favourite contestants being sent off so they try to “save” them with their votes.

In a world dominated by Facebook and Twitter, where decisions are made with a click of a few buttons on who to follow, who to “like” or become friends with, this type of interactivity and involvement from audiences are common amongst the new Social Media generation.

When I first found out that my production house, kyanite.tv was going to be producing Miss Malaysia Universe 2012. Beauty Camp, I was naturally excited because it was the first time this pageant has been turned into a reality format.

On the other hand, I was also worried as a producer whether Malay-sian contestants would actually bare their souls, so to speak and share their real emotions with us. I was curious as to whether the same ingredients, which make reality TV a success overseas, would apply here in Malaysia.

Well, we have already shot five episodes of the series, and as it turns out, there are some things, which are clearly universal.

You cannot possibly put a bunch of women together in a bungalow, wake them up at the crack of dawn to endure physical, mental and emotional challenges and NOT have real drama. Add in national director of Miss Universe Malaysia and the show’s host, Andrea Fonseka and you have a recipe for even more drama and brutal honesty on your hands.

Fonseka is tough as nails as a host and does not sit on the fence as a judge. If she thinks a contestant performed terribly in a challenge, then that’s what she’ll be telling her and why. On the panel of judges, actor/producer, Hans Isaac, does not hold back his opinions either. When he was judging a particular photo challenge where two contestants had to pose with an exotic bird for a fashion shoot, he bluntly commented, “I’m sorry girls but the winner in this shot is the bird!”

We’ve seen some real stories, and real tears being shed with beautiful characters as well as manipulative ones being pitted against each other in Beauty Camp.

As the show’s director, Michael Lim of Kyanite.tv says, “It’s been intense. For the girls. For the crew. For the audience. It’s been 30 days of living out of each other’s pockets where there was as much drama behind the scenes as there was on camera.”

In last week’s episode, I was personally touched by the strength of character demonstrated by a contestant called Deviyah who suddenly got eliminated but exercised her ‘wild card’ decision to at least save her fellow contestant, Suchitra from the same fate. She was already out herself, yet still able to think of someone other than herself, at her weakest moment.

It’s these real-life twists and turns, which make reality TV so addictive. I’ve experienced a whole range of emotions myself from observing the girls and how they deal with situations that get thrown at them.

The Favourite Child Syndrome

I was the last sibling in my family, born almost 10 years after my sisters. To this day, I’m sometimes still referred to as “the child” because my older sisters used to help change my diapers.

Some people assumed I was the favourite child because I was the “baby” of the family.

I asked my mother when I turned six years old, “Am I your favourite?” and she set me straight from that day onwards.

Mother said sternly, “Every child of mine is special. There are no favourites. When we are gone, Mum and Dad need all of you to stick together and look out for each other. Don’t ever forget that.”

Whatever we learn from such a young, impressionable age gets carried forward as a modus operandi, embedded into our blueprint for survival. It was unspoken between my sisters and I that we had to be there for each other, no matter how much we squabbled.

When I was 14 years old, my middle sister used to drive me to my National Track and Field races and she was the one cheering harder than anyone in the stands when I won my first gold medal.

At the time, I was too young to realise how fortunate I was to have such a supportive big sister.

Even my eldest sister was no different. She would wake up at 5am, if need be, just to pick me from the airport (even if you told her not to trouble herself).

Despite the fact all three of us lead different lives and are based in different countries now, I still feel supported across the miles.

The fact they bother to read my articles online is a sign they care about what is going on in my life, and I don’t take it for granted.

I realise that the way we are perceived and treated by our own family members ends up permeating every aspect of our lives.

If you were unloved, bullied or discriminated against in your household, you could grow up thinking the world is a difficult place to find acceptance or be appreciated.

I had a friend who could never make her parents proud, no matter how hard she tried.

It was really painful to see her put so much effort into gaining their approval but they never seemed to notice or acknowledge her accomplishments. They were usually too busy fussing over her younger brother (their only son).

Years ago, when she found out her mother loved the piano, she decided to take piano lessons to impress her but this backfired when her brother started learning the piano as well. Within months, he overtook his sister and skipped a grade.

Her mother said, “Just look at your brother. He’s so much faster than you. I’ve decided to cancel your lessons because you’re wasting our money.”

Needless to say, she developed an inferiority complex over time. She became a model (which is how I met her) but her parents wanted her to become a doctor or lawyer.

The pressure of never matching up to their expectations started to take a toll on her. She never felt “good enough.”

She was always compared to her brother and she felt very ‘unattractive’, despite the fact she was posing for top fashion magazines around the region.

All these insecurities started at home. They always do. Favouritism of siblings from an early age can cause long-term repercussions on an individual’s self-esteem and sense of belonging in their working life or relationships with other people.

I know it’s easier said than done. We’re all human and everyone seems to have a favourite football team they passionately follow, or favourite food, or boss’s favourite employee who everyone loves to hate at the office but when parents dote on their ‘favourite’ child, it can have a lasting impact on everyone around them.

Favoured siblings may grow up feeling a sense of entitlement and those least favoured may suffer from feelings of inadequacy or self-worth issues.

Psychologist and author of the Connected Father, Dr Carl Pickhardt, said that children are very keenly aware of the slightest variations in their parents’ treatment of them or their siblings.

The moment these discrepancies are felt, that’s when parents hear the all too familiar, “It’s so unfair!” cry from their children.

“Every parent may have a favourite, or a preference. It is absolutely normal,” says psychologist Ellen Weber, author of The Favourite Child.

She also says that parents may even change their ‘favourites’ at times. However, if parents cannot seem to love their children equally, at least, strive to treat them fairly.

Family therapist and dynamic speaker, Stephanie Martson said, “Self-esteem is the real magic wand that can form a child’s future. A child’s self-esteem affects every area of her existence, from friends she chooses, to how well she does academically in school, to what kind of job she gets, to even the person she chooses to marry.”